bad days

besides being a monday, today was just one of those days. one of those simply bad days. everything that could possibly go wrong did, and everybody bothered me, whether they tried to or not, whether they talked to me or just looked at me. just a really bad day.

i think everybody has these days, and you'd probably agree with me. but even knowing this doesn't give me solace, and the expression "misery loves company" is just bs. when you're miserable, you're alone. period.

when these days happen, i tend to ask myself, "why? why did this happen to me? why today?". mostly after this i'd curse the heavens and fate, terrible fate for bringing me this day. but really, how much is left up to fate, and how much is left up to you?

as it turns out, at least in my case, a lot of today's suckiness was up to me. i'm not saying that when you have a bad day you should automatically blame yourself, hide under a blanket, and eat bonbons. what i've seen from my experiences is that you should take more responsibility for yourself.

a lot of my misery is due to procrastination. i have a massive research paper due tomorrow, and i didn't start it until yesterday. i keep telling myself "it's not your fault, ali! you had stuff to do!" and i've been listening to this voice (no schizo) since last month when the paper was assigned.

if i'd started it in little pieces a long time ago, there would be less pressure on me now. but instead of taking responsibility for myself, i took the childish and easy way out and listened to my sad brain excuses. it may be difficult to battle your impulses, especially when you're running on less than 6 hrs of sleep a day. but it's worth it and a part of growing up.

another aspect of my terrible day was disappointments and annoyances from other people. somebody made me a promise and didn't keep it, although i knew if our roles were switched i wouldn't break that promise.

also, some people didn't reach out to me even though i was obviously hurting today. although these two things sucked and seemed beyond unfair, i realize now that i perhaps was expecting too much from others. when you expect things from others, you're putting your heart and the fate of your day in their unknowing hands.

sometimes putting yourself in someone else's shoes isn't enough, becuase you're totally different from everybody else. what may seem obvious to you in a situation may seem like nothing to another. one of life's sad truths is that people will inevitably disappoint you once in a while. if you have too many expectations, chances are you will be disappointed.

yeah, today sucked. but the best thing for me to do is move forward. the present doesn't seem very peachy, but i have a lot of good things coming up that i shouldn't lose sight of.

and i need to remember that i create a lot of my own fate. the little things i didn't take responsibility for yesterday hurt me today. i'll pay more attention to those things now.

just got to keep on moving forward, but keep your mistakes in your back pocket. you never know when you'll need them.

but if i kept all of my mistakes in my back pocket, sir mix-a-lot would be stalking me right now.

oh, metaphors.