Monday, March 19, 2012

hey, it's ali

Well, it's happened again. And again. And again; I'm pulling an all-nighter. The term itself makes me nauseous, not just because of the laundry-list of terrible associations I can pull from my recent memory, but really, "pull an all-nighter?" Really? It just sounds so dated, and completely removed from the complex reality of the activity. At least in my case. Actually, probably only in my case.

Anyway, it's 5AM; do you know where your mind is? Mine's dodging at Nascar speeds between accounting homework, a poetry essay, how I'm ruining everyone's lives, and how I'm wasting my life away (and not even in the cool acid-and-vodka way). I wish that I had senioritis. I am actually quite pathetic.

Late hours mixed with school stress mixed with social anxiety creates a very interestingly-colored explosion. And by explosion, I mean a mess of a 17-year-old girl who spends hours basically chained to her laptop, watching the sun rise and set out the window as she eats her fifth bag of Goldfish and loosens the drawstring on her sweatpants.

Okay, that's a little melodramatic. But it's actually closer to reality than I enjoy admitting. That's where I am right now, and as per habit, I landed upon this blog whilst evading everything, and realized that it's been a little while since we last spoke. So here are some updates and musings.

  • I got into college. So I will definitely be going somewhere (yay!) So far, I got into St. Joseph's with Honors, Marist, UDel, and Emerson. I'm still slightly bitter from Fordham deferring me, and I'm still quite elated from Brown deferring me. So I guess that the universe balances itself out quite nicely.
  • I passed the editor-in-chief torch. I never imagined that I would be editor-in-chief of anything, let alone the one that helps decide the next generation of chief. It was super surreal going through the process, and I can honestly say that it was one of the most difficult decisions I had to make. It was great working with both of them this year, and I feel beyond ecstatic that I will leave the paper in the hands of such great writers. And people.
  • Maybe I will try modeling? hahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahah hahahhahahha. Ha. Well. Really, I'm not conceited. I am overly self-deprecating and quite self-conscious. But after the umpteenth time my parents have mentioned it (you were born with dem legs! You can be a smart model) and random various comments from random various people, I've come to the realization that it may be an okay idea, for random various reasons. 1) It will force me to actually take care of myself 2) I want to write about it. What it's like to try, what the people are like. I want to write a fucking expose . 3) I'm doing my late poetry essay, and I discovered that Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath did it. They also committed suicide, but let's conveniently forget about that part for now.
  • I really, really, a million times really miss dance. Seriously, it's becoming a certifiable problem. I randomly burst out into dance. Recently, while writing an essay in my kitchen, I started playing "Gucci, Gucci" by Kreayshawn and dancing in front of my microwave. It's becoming difficult to control. I never realized how much dance is a part of me until it dissolved from my life this year. Baby, come back to me.
There's a lot more I could say, but I am far too behind and sleep deprived and pathetic to defer my time any longer. I will try to be more faithful (and coherent) with updates, and hopefully the next post will find me in a better overall state of being.